Family of six.

August 2021 marked the first anniversary of our family. I spent the entire month as a “single parent” navigating the first day of school for a junior, freshman, 7th grader and kindergartener. Somewhere in there I managed to squeeze in dropping off my oldest for her first year of college. I also started up classes as a Let’s Play Music teacher. Without Tim. He was navigating his first business trip as a new(ish) employee at Samsung.

We managed. Though I’d have to say that I thought that by the time I’d reached this stage of parenting, I honestly thought I’d have it down somewhat. Silly me. There’s a pesky little thing called agency that keeps me from churning out little clones that do exactly as I ask them. (And no, that isn’t really what I’d hoped for or expected as a parent but I’d be lying if I said parenting strong-willed children has been a dream come true.)

Kids leaving the nest has been something Tim has dreamed of since our first child was born and he was “replaced”.

Me? Well, I had mixed feelings. I felt Anna had plateaued while living under our roof. I anticipated the growth that would come as she was compelled to do things for herself that she had comfortably enjoyed me doing for eighteen years. Each child is different, you know? While some can’t wait to free themselves from the clutch of controlling parents (Lily), others harbor serious anxieties about independence.

One style isn’t necessarily better than the other. I love that Anna recognizes all that we do for her and that she trusts our judgment on weighty matters. But it comes with a slight lack of confidence in oneself. I hoped that she’d thrive in an environment that forced her to develop confidence in the areas she’d struggled with throughout her youth.

And she did! Depending on what one means by “thriving”, anyway. Gosh, it was rough for my introverted perfectionist. Eating dinner alone in the cafeteria. Getting sick and having no one to care for her. Struggling to meet people with whom she connected. Navigating the much-elevated academic requirements of college-level courses.

Yep, it was pretty much all hard. Which is exactly what this mean parent wanted for her.

The whole experience really caused me to reflect on our experience here on earth. We receive nurturing from loving heavenly parents for a time. At some point, we reach a stage at which we can no longer progress by their sides. So we choose an earthly probation to help us learn lessons we are simply unable to learn otherwise. Earth life is rough sometimes. We have help, but sometimes it feels distant.

And yet, when we look back at what we’ve become through all the challenges, we realize just what a blessing it all is! Living, learning, growing, progressing.

Becoming.

Meanwhile, the rest of us adjusted to life with Anna living five hours away. Lily loved getting her own room. We took a few little road trips, feeling somewhat guilty that we were making memories without Anna. But we got used to it. And when we started missing her a little extra, we arranged for a quick visit home. Or we bought tickets to her choir concert as an excuse to visit her in Utah.

Still a family of seven. This time with three adults instead of just two.

To be learned is good. Unless…

There’s a scenario that repeats itself in our family scripture study. Last night it played itself out in a pronounced way. On a daily basis, our family members take turns reading a particular chapter of scripture, one verse at a time, until we complete the chapter.

Jack, our youngest reader, reads somewhat haltingly, though considering the advanced language contained in scripture, it’s amazing that, at age 5, he can even make it through a verse. When he mispronounces a word, we quietly correct him and he keeps reading. Some of the time, anyway. Occasionally, he’ll say “I know that!”, not wanting to acknowledge any error on his part, however small.

Last night, he was over-the-top in the pride department, not wanting us to correct any mistakes. He barked at us to stop if we even suggested a pronunciation other than the one he had uttered.

So we zipped our lips, letting him say “president” instead of “priest” or, at times, something completely unintelligible, for the sake of not correcting him. It would have been laughable if it didn’t reveal a huge character flaw.

I mean, the kid is only 5. He’s super bright, having learned to read at age 4, and possessing an uncanny number sense. (He grasped the concept of multiplication long before starting kindergarten last month).

But he’s not so bright that he knows everything there is to know at age 5. He’s not so smart that he can’t use a little correction now and again. And he might be lacking in the intelligence department if he has already forgotten who taught him most of what he knows to this point-his parents, that is.

But this isn’t really about intelligence. It’s about pride.

I mean, how many of us as adults think we know it all and have no need for correction? How many of us would do better to realize that we didn’t come this far without the help of someone whose knowledge of the universe and life and everything else there is to know is far more vast than we can even comprehend?

It’s easy to chuckle at the audacity of Jack thinking we (his parents) had nothing to offer him in the way of basic phonetics. And yet so many of us do the exact same thing, in one way or another.

We dig in our heels on our “pet” issues, thinking that we know better than the God who created us and the universe. We scoff at living prophets and apostles when their counsel contradicts our own strongly held personal beliefs. We disregard good people as hateful or ignorant when their instruction questions the wisdom of our own personal choices.

To be fair, well-meaning people have been wrong before.

It is healthy to be skeptical of any number of opinions, as long as we can keep our personal biases at bay. Even prophets and apostles have occasionally given instruction that doesn’t quite line up with what is best. However, I personally try to be very cautious about allowing my own opinions to override what we are being taught by the Lord’s mouthpiece on the earth.

A Book of Mormon prophet taught:

“Yea, wo unto this people, because of this time which has arrived, that ye do cast out the prophets, and do mock them, and cast stones at them, and do slay them, and do all manner of iniquity unto them, even as they did of old time.

And now when ye talk, ye say: If our days had been in the days of our fathers of old, we would not have slain the prophets; we would not have stoned them, and cast them out.

Behold ye are worse than they; for as the Lord liveth, if a prophet come among you and declareth unto you the word of the Lord, which testifieth of your sins and iniquities, ye are angry with him, and cast him out and seek all manner of ways to destroy him; yea, you will say that he is a false prophet, and that he is a sinner, and of the devil, because he testifieth that your deeds are evil.

But behold, if a man shall come among you and shall say: Do this, and there is no iniquity; do that and ye shall not suffer; yea, he will say: Walk after the pride of your own hearts; yea, walk after the pride of your eyes, and do whatsoever your heart desireth—and if a man shall come among you and say this, ye will receive him, and say that he is a prophet.

Yea, ye will lift him up, and ye will give unto him of your substance; ye will give unto him of your gold, and of your silver, and ye will clothe him with costly apparel; and because he speaketh flattering words unto you, and he saith that all is well, then ye will not find fault with him.”

In other words, if a prophet’s counsel doesn’t quite sit well with you, maybe it’s worth listening a little harder.

I have seen several instances in recent months where members of the church have criticized counsel from a living prophet, all in the name of agency or their right to personal revelation. They fall on both ends of the political spectrum, but in both cases, they have pitted their personal beliefs against the prophets.

I think it is reasonable to examine the possibility that the prophet does not speak for God every time he opens his mouth. Yet I am also extremely careful to check myself and not assume that I am the exception to the rule when it comes to following his counsel. Especially when that counsel comes in the form of a formal letter written to the members of the church, or a talk given in general conference.

I hope that as a general rule, I seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from His hand. I hope that I can remember that His ways are higher than my ways and his thoughts than my thoughts. I hope that humility reigns supreme in my life, and that when facing a tough issue, I will seek the counsel of the Lord and those that speak for Him on the earth.

Otherwise, I fear I am not unlike a 5-year-old kid who mispronounces word after word while reading aloud, claiming that he knows as well as his parents, whose 40 extra years of life experience mean nothing to him.

Our barely-there summer.

Summer began with a bang on Memorial Day weekend.  It was the first weekend Tim and I had spent in town with our kids after ditching them for the two previous weekends.  We bought a house in Utah for my mom to live in and, well, let’s just say it needed a little polishing up.  The previous owners did little to improve the place in the five years they’d owned it.  And, they were proud parents of two gigantic dogs (Huskies!) and two cats.  Who pretty much had a run of the place.  

Maybe I’ll get around to blogging about the house, but in the meantime, let’s get back to summer. 

What summer? 

Well, the one where I had planned to build up business for my in-home music studio but instead invested many of my waking hours supporting the baking business Eve decided to run with a friend. 

What summer?  Oh, the one where Anna decided to work a graveyard shift and consequently sleep all day so we pretty much never got to do anything with her.

What summer?  The summer where my two high-schoolers opted for getting a leg up on school by taking two full semester courses.  Online, of course.

It was basically the summer where I didn’t get to do anything I had planned, instead pouring my energy into my children.  Which isn’t so bad if it’s speckled with fun family plans but, truth be told, there simply wasn’t a whole lot of that.  The stars just didn’t seem to line up in our favor.  Still, there are always bright spots to be found.

Anyway, we kicked it off with Anna’s voice recital.  The culmination of almost four years of voice lessons and participation in choir.  She did not disappoint.  She sang songs in French, Italian and English, nailed the high notes, and made her mother cry.  What else could a girl ask for?

Then the baking business began. 

Eve comfortably agreed to join her friend in this venture, hyper-focused on the baking portion of it.  Little did she know that not only would she get to design a flyer (fun!) but she would need to distribute them in person to all of our family, friends and acquaintances in the neighborhood (not so fun).  In fact, it was downright painful to watch the girls in action. 

I had several people contact me to mention how “cute” Eve and her friend were.  They also commented that it must have been their first time, although, it wasn’t.  That’s nerves for you.  What should have taken an hour to accomplish took two 1 1/2 hour sessions.  Most of it was spent in silence on the doorstep.  Nevertheless, they pushed through the agony and rocked it on the baking and delivery portion of their business, making over $240 apiece minus materials.

Between that and a number of pet-sitting jobs, Eve made bank this summer.

Lily and Rachel both attended camps at BYU – Lily  an ACT Prep Camp (absolutely thrilling, right?) and Rachel a Chip (STEM) camp.  Lily stayed on campus and was surprised to discover that her roommate was a former best friend of her cousin Lexi.  Rachel did not stay on campus but buddied up with a friend within the first few minutes, who turned out to be the daughter of one of my dearest mission friends. 

Small world.

Lily spent all her free time with friends – not atypical behavior for a 16-year-old.  Until she got grounded on the 4th of July for the rest of the summer.  She enjoyed the loose reins we had given her up to that point a little too liberally.  Welp.  Being grounded from everything provided her ample hours to catch up on her two history courses.  So there’s that.  

Rachel spent most of her time in her studies but graced us with her presence any time we proposed a water activity.  Boise boasted a record number of 100 plus degree days so we took full advantage and spent a few days up at the lake.  I’m so grateful to live in such close proximity to numerous outdoor activities.

They canceled our stake pioneer trek due to the heat.

But only after Tim and I had marched our kids and several other members of our congregation throughout the paths in our neighborhood in the heat of the day.  Bwahahaha.  I wonder if all that practice will hold up next year(to which is has been postponed).

In August we invited Anna to quit her job so that we could actually see her before she takes off to college.  She complied and now we see her occasionally.  Her relationship with her sisters has blossomed in the last year – particularly with Eve.  Consequently, it will be hard to see her go.  Anna is such a grounding influence in our home – she is a great example of uprightness and virtue. 

I will miss her dearly.

Our original plans to visit Jill and her family in Lewiston failed to materialize, so we opted for Plan B.  Plan B fulfilled my kids’ lifelong dream of visiting Lagoon.  Having driven down to Utah multiple times a year for the last 18 years, there’s no avoiding a freeway view of Lagoon.  For the past few years, my kids have pestered me each time we passed it with requests to go there.  So I bit the bullet.  We opened and closed the park – older kids riding the crazy rollercoasters on repeat, while Jack and I spent the day on the kiddie rides.  We all left with huge smiles on our faces – bucket list item fulfilled.

While we were in Utah, we also hit up a zip line at Sundance and spent time with cousins.  It is a rare occasion that we go down to visit family without a purpose other than to visit family or attend a summer camp at BYU, so I think we all appreciated being in vacation mode for a change.

We peppered the summer with multiple Let’s Play Music sample classes, trips to our neighborhood swimming pool, hikes and a whole lotta Minecraft.  Tim, Rachel, Eve and Jack (and Anna, when she’s around) willingly waste away their lives in this pursuit.  Eve is convinced it helps her with math.  

Now that summer break has come to a close, I’m still catching my breath.  It turned out far differently than expected, and blogging about it now brings a tinge of regret that memory-making and relationship-building were not at the top of the list.  And yet, I’m also reminded that some stages of life involve drudgery.  In fact, for some, all of life is drudgery.  I can be grateful for the relative ease of my life and the experiences I have to remind me of my abundance. 

To be grateful is to be happy. 

So I’ll choose gratitude.  Particularly now that school’s begun and I indulge in a full 2 1/2 hours to myself every day for the first time, well, since Eve was in kindergarten 8 years ago and we had no idea we were about to hit the reset button.  Cheers to a few hours of solitude after a long time of none!

Crappy Mother’s Days are where it’s at.

Years ago, when I was a young mother of three children under three, Tim asked me what I wanted for my birthday.  I handed him the keys to the family van and asked him to take the kids to grandma’s house for the weekend.  I had hit my limit and just wanted a clean and quiet house for a couple of days.

I learned something that weekend.  That clean and quiet houses are overrated.

I also decided that I wanted to be more intentional regarding my “breaks” from my children.  Because, after all, what message does it send to your kids when all you want for your birthday (or Mother’s Day, or any similar occasion) is to be rid of them?

As a mother, the messages we send to our children can have lasting consequences on them.  I try not to beat myself up about the mistakes I’ve made in parenting, but I am confident that some of my tactics in those early years have affected them adversely.

I may not be able to right those wrongs completely, but I can say sorry.  And I can make changes in my life to not repeat those same mistakes. 

So, when I say I will embrace having to still be a mom on Mother’s Day, I mean it.  My kids may fall way short on knowing how to “celebrate” me, but I will do my part to demonstrate to them that I am worth celebrating.  By not taking a break from them on Mother’s day.

My children drive me nuts sometimes, but they are also my greatest joys in life.  I will take a chance on them being the latter on Mother’s Day (even though Murphy’s law ALWAYS comes into play and they are typically THE WORST on Mother’s Day).  Bring it.  I can take the good with the bad.  In fact, it has saved my sanity (and my children’s tender spirits) more times than I can count.  Happy (or crappy) Mother’s Day!

Thoughts on the Sabbath – Sitting with uncertainty.

There’s a scripture that has often come to mind over the years as I’ve dealt with seemingly unfair challenges.  Nephi (in the Book of Mormon) is asked whether he knows the “condescension of God”.  He replies that he knows that He (God) “loveth His children, nevertheless I do not know the meaning of all things.”

An angel then proceeds to show Nephi the meaning of the “the condescension of God” in a vision.  The simple acknowledgement from Nephi that he can’t quite grasp a particular concept is meaningful to me.  It demonstrates that one does not have to be able to articulate the “whys” if one can simply believe the principle that God loves His children.

It is with that kind of faith that I am able to proceed through challenge after challenge in life.  Knowing that God loves His children allows me to sit with the discomfort of not knowing the outcome of a particular trial. 

Sitting with uncertainty is bearable when I know that God loves me and has my best interest at heart.  That faith in God and His love equips me with hope that all things will work together for my good.

Parenting requires that I impart of that hope to my children.  In this day and age, they grapple with issues I could barely have conceived when I grew up in the 90s.  I’m constantly left scratching my head to find answers to the complexities of their problems.  It doesn’t help that they feel so utterly alone in their trials.

I may not be able to offer solutions.  But I can offer my sure witness that God is aware of them.  He sent His Son to bear their griefs and carry their sorrows.  And, if we are willing to press on with faith in Him, someday we’ll understand what it was all for.

That day can come sooner or later.  But knowing that it will come makes all the difference.

May 2021 Primary Singing Time

This month’s singing time outline features the following suggested songs (I’ve included ways to sing them in your homes):

  1. When He Comes Again – While you watch this sing-along video, have the children match the pictures in this printable.  Keep playing and singing the first verse until they’re all matched up.  Then sing it with your kids once or twice with the pictures as your guide.  Some of these methods might seem repetitive but I can guarantee that your kids are listening and learning and that repetition is instrumental in that process.
  2. Have I Done Any Good? Introduce this song by watching this music video (featuring Alex Boye and Carmen Rasmussen).  For older children, you can also watch this short excerpt from a talk given by President Thomas S. Monson where he references this song.  There are some great images of things each of us can do to spread “goodness” throughout our communities and the world.  
  3. Choose The Right. Teach your kids how to sing and sign this song by watching this instructional video.  You can also watch the church’s sing-along video as an introduction.  You can also keep the kids’ hands moving as they sing by using these printable CTR shields found at the blog “In the Leafy Treetops”.’

Hawaii pandemic-style.

Well, we made it to Hawaii. And now we are furiously hunting for a vacation property so we can spend at least a month there every year for the rest of our lives.

Yes, it was that amazing. The slow pace of the North Shore was a perfect landing spot for our crew. We surfed, boogie boarded, snorkeled, hiked, swam beneath waterfalls, explored caves, ate delicious food, and occasionally relaxed at the house to the sound of a light drizzle, the beat of waves crashing on the shore, and an occasional rooster.

Sure, the whole process was not without a few headaches. But what are a few headaches when compared with quality family time in paradise?

Does God care whether or not I go to Hawaii?

On Black Friday 2020, I impulsively booked airline tickets to Hawaii. The deal was too good. And the fact that we’d canceled two of our 2020 family vacations had left enough wiggle room in the travel budget that a discounted Hawaii trip became an actual possibility.

Two days later I began researching Hawaii travel restrictions and the buyer’s remorse started to set in.

The idea of scheduling 7 COVID tests within 72 hours of our departing flight appeared daunting. But at that point the tickets were non-refundable so we went with it.

Five months and a whole lot of research later, the anxiety really kicked in though. I used the last few days as practice runs on scheduling our COVID tests. And it didn’t make me feel any more settled.

Each time I logged on to the website, it said there were no appointments available. At every single location within a hundred miles. I began wondering if the thousands of dollars we’d dropped on this trip already would go down the tubes and into the vault of lost opportunities due to the pandemic.

It would serve me right for jumping the gun in getting outta town, right?

Wrong.

I said a silent prayer that all would not be lost. It felt a little silly, asking Heavenly Father to make a trip to Hawaii possible. Kind of like the little kid who prays for a brand new bike, you know?

And yet, I’ve grown to understand a few things in my many years of believing in a higher power. First, that he is a parent. And while any good parent teaches his/her children what is best for them, that same parent occasionally gives those children what THEY want, good or bad, right or wrong.

I can remember a conversation I had a few years ago with a friend whose daughter was planning her wedding. She’d pretty much exhausted her allocated budget but decided somewhat last-minute that hair extensions were an absolute must.

This was completely antithetical to everything my friend had modeled for her dear daughter. She was miffed that something that trivial was so high on the priority list for her daughter that it was worth going over budget.

She asked me for advice. I replied-you and I are cut from the same cloth when it comes to this sort of thing. I think hair extensions are stupid, YOU think hair extensions are stupid. But (insert daughter’s name) really wants them. Maybe now is not the time for a teaching moment but simply an opportunity for you to show your love for her.

She got the hair extensions.

Sometimes God gives us what we want simply because we want it. In all realism, sometimes granting that wish ends in disaster, but that can be a lesson too, right?

And secondly, sometimes God gives us what we want because we thought to ask Him for it and he wants to reward our faith.

Isn’t it very telling that when something isn’t quite going as hoped for that we would humble ourselves enough to ask God for help? It says so much about our relationship with him when we go to him in our need. Even if that need appears trivial, like a trip to Hawaii.

And thirdly, I think God gives us what we want when he knows we would be okay with him NOT giving it to us. He knows our hearts. He knows that I realize Hawaii is not that important in the grand scheme of things. He knows that despite being super bummed about the trip falling through that I would not curse him and die over it.

The point is, God is not some magical genie in the sky who grants our wishes without reservation. More often than not, he gives us what is best rather than what we want. But it is nice to know that as any parent does, He often supports us in our desires simply because he loves us.

April 2021 Primary Singing Time

What’s not to like about April?  Warmer weather, General Conference, Easter (most years, anyway) and my birthday!  Now I have another reason to love April – the suggested songs for Primary are short and sweet – perfect for teaching a classroom of rambunctious kids.  Or, since we’re still doing church pandemic-style, perfect for teaching whatever number of young’uns happen to live in your home.  

Here they are:

  1.  Jesus Has Risen  For this song, print and cut out a picture of the Savior for each child.  You can use this printable (6 to a page).  As you sing through the song, raise the picture up each time the Savior is referenced.  To “shake” things up a little bit, fill a plastic Easter egg with beans or rice, seal it up, and shake the egg each time the Savior is referenced.  The song’s message is simple and this exercise will reinforce the central importance of Jesus Christ in our lives.  (Modified slightly from a lesson on Camille’s Primary Ideas).
  2. I Want to Be a Missionary Now  Do you remember when we used these directional signs as we learned the first verse of this song during virtual singing time in February?  Dig them out and use them again with your families to learn the second and third verses.  You can also watch this sing-along video to help you.
  3. Jesus Said Love Everyone   Let’s learn a bit of sign language to go along with the words of this sweet song.  Check out this video to help you learn it!

Feel free to take the time to learn Joseph Smith’s First Prayer in your home over the course of this year.  Whether our Primary Program is virtual or in-person, I plan to include this beautiful hymn in some way.  You can use the storybook you received in January’s singing time packet. 

During virtual singing time a couple of months ago, we used our five senses to imagine what it must have been like that spring day – sun shining, birds singing, bees humming in a shady woodland.  That helped us learn the first verse of the song. 

I also have this printable to help learn the second verse.  It talks about some of the feelings young Joseph had as he prayed vocally for the first time.

And here’s a video I created for learning the third verse.  Grab a pair of glasses (or wait for the ones you’ll get in this month’s singing time packet) and try to imagine what Joseph saw as he spoke with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

 

Everything I need to know I learned at McDonald’s. Or Subway, as the case may be.

Almost a year ago, we told our eldest daughter she needed to get a “real” job. You know, a typical teenage gig at McDonald’s or something.

She had been teaching piano for almost two years out of our home, for which I was incredibly proud. And, heaven knows it pays far better than any fast food position.

However, there are some things one can only learn from a minimum wage job. The first being that one should develop a trade and get an education so that s/he is not relegated to minimum wage for the rest of one’s life.

Our biggest reason for wanting Anna to experience this rite of passage in life, however, was not necessarily typical. We just wanted her to do it because of how terrified she was of the entire process.

You see, Anna is pretty amazing at a whole lot of things. She excels in school (straight A’s for her entire school career), she’s an excellent test-taker (35 on the ACT, anyone?), she commits herself to living with integrity, she is a wicked good musician… I could go on and on.

And while I am SO proud of her and the fact that she strives for excellence in so many areas, I know that we build resilience by stepping out of our comfort zones. And one thing that is NOT comfortable for Anna? The art of applying for a job in customer service. And then working one.

There was no coercion. (It took her a year, after all). Just an explanation of the life skills she’d glean from the experience. And…a pulling of the plug on all financial support for extra-curriculars and such. Just so she could feel a little pinch.

And now she has a job at Subway. Her first few shifts were rough and she wanted to quit. But I held my ground and told her she could quit only if she had first secured another job.

It’s strange, but I’m almost more proud of her for this accomplishment than I am that she got a full-tuition scholarship to BYU. Why on earth? Because of how desperately hard it was for her.

Then, after a six-month stint making sandwiches, she’ll be well-equipped to apply for another “real job” working at BYU laundry. Or something like that.

The future is bright, Anna. The future is bright.