Hindsight is truly 20/20. Usually that expression is used to denote a bit of regret at decisions that perspective would have prevented. Today, for me, it is an expression of gratitude at all the experiences I have had that have prepared me for what I am going through right now. We cannot understand the full effect of life’s experiences until we can look back on them and their influence on today’s.
Four years ago, when Tim and I decided we wanted to have another baby, we fully expected to get pregnant within a couple of months as I had with my four girls. Miscarriage was not even on our radar. Our expectations completely shifted after 9 months of menstrual cycle after menstrual cycle and then 5 miscarriages within a 2 1/2 year period.
When we got pregnant with Jack(surprise!) after having settled into the idea that our family was complete at four children, we thought it inconvenient but joyful, of course.
Now my joy is even fuller, knowing that if Jack had come sooner, he (and we) would have had four much younger and less wise older sisters to trifle with. Because he came so “inconveniently”, his sisters have the maturity to care for him in a way that preschoolers could never have. Blessing in disguise.
My younger brother, Timmy had muscular dystrophy. I have often thought about the blessing that has been in my life – in cultivating an empathy and understanding of service that has benefited my marriage and family. Still, I now know that the experience was preparing me for something much greater – to have a special needs child of my very own. How grateful I am to see the tremendous blessing it can be to live with someone who has a disability- because I have experienced it! And what a great resource my parents will be as I navigate this territory.
Jack came to our family last – to experienced parents who know what colic looks like, who can tell the difference between a baby’s cries, who have dealt with broken bones and hospital visits and who don’t make mountains out of molehills. We are grateful for the peace we feel in spite of the trials we are facing. Why? Because we’ve been around the block a time or two in this parenting thing and because we’ve developed a spiritual sensitivity that will carry us through hard times.
The month before Jack’s break and subsequent OI diagnosis, I had listened to dozens of general conference talks while chained to a breast pump. The words of truth I heard during those demoralizing moments have sustained me to face this experience with faith and a knowledge of the plan of our Heavenly Father.
Life is full of unforeseen challenges. Each experience is woven into the fabric of our lives, some of those experiences preparing us for yet other unexpected twists and turns. As I reflect upon my life, I can clearly see the influence of a loving God and his gentle guiding hand in navigating this journey.