“I wish my parents had never made me learn to play the …(insert name of any instrument).” Said no one, ever. What you usually hear, in fact, is something more along the lines of, “Oh, I wish my mom hadn’t let me quit.” Or, “Gosh, I wish my parents had pushed me to keep up the piano(or another comparable instrument).”
I carry some of these regrets, too. I started piano at a very young age but wasted my parents’ hard-earned money by not practicing so they let me quit. I probably clocked in a grand total of 2 1/2 years of actual lessons, max.
I consider myself lucky, though, because I LOVE to sing, and that was enough motivation to plop myself down on the piano bench to accompany myself belting out any number of Broadway show tunes. Even today, I manage to play most of the hymns in our church hymnbook fairly easily, and have even successfully accompanied the choir on a number of more challenging pieces. That was a feat that required hours of diligent practice and resulted in personal anxiety and quivering fingers. It’s painfully obvious that I am lacking in training, though I score a few points by faking it.
When my husband and I discussed expectations in raising children, we both felt it important to provide regular music lessons. We decided that I would start the kids on piano after they learned to read. I would teach them until they reached a certain level of proficiency and then they would have the option of moving on to a more experienced teacher or choosing a different instrument. So far, three of my daughters have graduated from my humble piano school, two of which are continuing their studies with another teacher in our community. The third is taking violin lessons and participating in the school orchestra.
As a side note, I have a friend, a very accomplished musician, who says that the best money she ever spent was in sending her children to someone else for their piano training. I agree with this, because most children, mine included, are not out to impress mom. The frequency(and quality) of their piano practice shot up exponentially as soon as I passed them onto another instructor.
Still, the reason I take my kids on as piano students initially is that I’m not overly concerned with them becoming piano virtuosos at the tender age of six. I simply want to give them exposure to the basics and establish a practice habit. Because if they’ll practice for me, they’ll practice for anyone. That, and I’m cheap.
My children will continue to learn the instrument of their choice until they leave our home (or until we can no longer afford it, heaven forbid). The benefits of learning an instrument are numerous and virtually indisputable so it’s sort of a non-negotiable around here.
“But what if they don’t practice?”
Agreed. You can’t force your kids to practice any more than you can keep teenage daughters from borrowing each others’ clothes. But, you can make the alternative so undesirable that they are relegated to their half-hour a day of so-called torture. We have our fair share of protesters around here. Well, mostly just one. She knows that if she digs in her heels when I remind her about practicing that she’s at risk of losing other desirables in her life, like dance or ice-skating lessons. The rule is, all other lessons/activities are on the table for elimination if she puts up a fight. Find out what your kid really loves and hold it over his/her head until regular practice is established. I’m not above bribing my children.
The good news is, at some point they will find the instrument they love and practice will no longer be an issue. We were at my sister-in-laws house for a few days this week and she remarked at how my girls would sit down plunk out a piece on her piano just because they felt like it. She said she would love for her kids to do that but she hasn’t been able to find a good teacher that didn’t cost an arm and a leg.
My response? Don’t pay for expensive lessons in the hopes that your child will magically love the instrument you’ve selected. Pay for reasonably-priced lessons until they find an instrument they want to practice. This will take time, as anyone who’s learned an instrument knows because enjoyment factor and level of proficiency are directly related. Then you can spring for more pricey lessons.
So start early. Be consistent. Be patient. And don’t give up. It’s not the end of the world if little Jimmy doesn’t get an oboe scholarship. But after eighteen years of instrument practice he’ll have a laundry list of benefits. And he’ll never be able to say, “Man, I wish my parents had made me practice more.” Heck, he might even say he liked it.