We’ve heard that “the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” But Oh, let me count the ways in which the importance of mothers and fathers is discounted in favor of worldly power,money or prestige.
When I was first married, I spent a few weeks a bit lost and somewhat wallowing in self-pity. I was on the brink of graduating and, instead of having a job lined up in an exciting city on my favorite side of the country, I was working a dead-end full-time job to support my husband while he finished school. While marriage itself was fun and fulfilling, I was grieving the loss of the possibilities that had once been mine but were temporarily sidelined in favor of our new family unit.
In a conversation with a friend from my early college years, who was a single, working professional at the time, I was given a moment of clarity. She said(after my updating her on my perceived lowered status), “Susie, you are a smart, talented woman. You were not made to shelve your ambitions for dish cloths and home-cooked meals.” Something inside me recoiled. Maybe it was my pride. Or maybe it was something deeper. Something telling me that she was wrong. Dead wrong. That laundry and baking, cleaning and supporting my husband financially did not make me subordinate or apathetic.
I turned a corner that day. That day, I discovered that the dominant narrative in the world was fundamentally false. Here’s what I’d been hearing, and continue to hear this day. Women in traditional roles are weak. Don’t waste your college education to stay at home with your kids. Influence in the world is superior to influence in the home. If you’re not getting paid for it, it must not be worthwhile work. Your list of accolades determines your value to society. Equal rights supercedes everything else.
Don’t mistake me: I’m not reigniting the mommy wars. This is not a working mom vs. stay-at-home mom debate. I have friends with paying jobs who “get” this. They “get” that while they spend time outside of the home each week fulfilling a need within themselves or their families, that their most important and valuable work lies within the home. They’re not buying the so-called progressive agenda that women with the greatest influence are sitting in board rooms and corner offices, or featured in news articles, or getting the most likes on social media. They’re not swept up in the falsehood that to “have control over one’s body” trumps sacrificing one’s body to house a human for nine months. They understand that while the benefits of parenthood are not easily quantified, intrinsic rewards matter. And. The net benefit of good parents to society is fundamental to its stability.
For all our parading about, touting the fact that we finally had a female presidential candidate, or that women command respect in a wide variety of careers across our country, or that the majority of college graduates in the U.S. are now female, we have forgotten what is truly important. Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful to live in a country where the possibilities for women are virtually endless. I’m just not enamored by the insinuation that to not pursue those possibilities is being complacent.
Case in point: I read an article in recent years that said that daughters of mothers who work outside the home are more successful and their sons are more caring. How did they measure success in the girls? By their employment status and income status, naturally. See what I mean?
First of all, it kind of goes without saying that whatever was modeled by the parents in a home would have a statistically significant effect on the choices of the offspring in that home. Stay-at-home moms are more likely to breed daughters who will stay at home and likewise for working moms. Kind of a no-brainer.
But then. They attach the word “successful” to those who ended up working outside the home. Because you’re not “successful” unless your collecting a paycheck or in a supervisory role at work, right? At least that’s what they keep telling us.
This narrative is not helping our kids. It’s not helping society as a whole. Modern feminism, for all its victories, should have stopped short at securing the right to vote, to gain an education and to have equal opportunity in employment. What has evolved is completely anti-marriage and anti-family,is it degrading a unit that should be preserved at all costs.
Some may say my traditional view is an antiquated one. Maybe it is. But it works. I am living, breathing proof of it.
I believe that marriage functions best with two equal partners-a wife who uses her gifts to bless her family and a husband who does the same. I respect my husband’s role in our home and he values mine. We try to complement each other, not compete.
That’s because one role is not superior to another.
Every job has some measure of drudgery, whether you get paid or not. Raising children is no different. Still, I’m tired of hearing that somehow I’m oppressed, or simple-minded, or complacent because I don’t have a corner office or six-figure salary.
So excuse me, I’ve got bottoms to wipe, books to read aloud, dinner to cook, art lessons to plan, piano to teach, laundry to tackle and wisdom to impart. I don’t get paid a dime for it, nor am I guaranteed a simple “thank you”. But it is deeply satisfying and vitally important. And I’ll keep busting my buns to be “successful” at it. No matter what anyone else says.