Teaching my kids is my favorite part of being a mother. I take pride in the fact that each of my children learned to read well before kindergarten. (If I’m really honest, I’ll acknowledge the fact they are geniuses and that their learning to read didn’t have much to do with me after all). Selfishly though, I wanted to be part of that pivotal moment in their lives.
I also set up a mother’s cooperative preschool and taught each of my daughters consecutively for a grand total of eight straight years. I adore preschoolers (especially those I get to call my own). I considered it a blessing to play a role in their early childhood education.
Granted, ALL mothers participate in their children’s education, but somehow being their “teacher” fulfilled me in a way that would not have been satisfied had I sent them to a traditional preschool.
I’ve rubbed shoulders with plenty of homeschooling moms over the years and most of the ones I know deserve the utmost respect. Spending all day every day focused on the education of your children is no joke. (Arguably, I focus on my children’s education as a stay-at-home mom…although mine attend public school so I get a much longer prep period. 😉
I strongly considered the homeschooling route for my kids. A variety of pros and cons tugged at me. Ultimately, some half-truths presented by some individuals in the homeschooling community led to my decision to enroll my kids in the local elementary school. Here are a few reasons to homeschool that turned me off in particular.
You are your child’s best teacher. Well…yes and no.
It makes me cringe to hear homeschooling parents say things like, “I want to participate in all aspects of my kids’ learning.” Or, “I am the one most qualified to teach my children because I know them best”. It reeks of insecurity.
My daughter Rachel volunteered to make scrambled eggs this morning as part of her sister Eve’s birthday breakfast. She asked my permission to make the eggs “grandma’s way”. Was I offended that she liked grandma’s way better than the one I had taught her? Was it disappointing to discover that my efforts to teach the art of scrambled eggs was lost on her? Did I feel underappreciated that she credits my mother for being the inspiration behind her desire to make scrambled eggs when she only had to show her the one time?
There was a time when I might have been. Not anymore. Why? Because the end result is that my eleven-year-old has finally learned to enjoy cooking. Shame on me if I am jealous because someone else inspired my kid in a way that I couldn’t. Seriously.
I believe that it was no mistake that my kids ended up in our family. I love the assurance that comes from knowing that God designed our family as He did because, in His wisdom, He knew that Tim and I had talents that would bless the lives of our children (and vice versa).
Having said that, I also subscribe to the idea that raising children takes a village. I am my kids’ first and most important teacher, but I am not their only teacher. Heaven forbid. Therapy sessions all around.
My heart swells with gratitude for the community of parents and teachers that enrich my children in a variety of ways. Gosh, what would parenting be like without grandparents, good neighbors and friends, and school and church teachers to support us in our efforts? I am not so prideful as to think that I could do better than all of us put together.
Here’s another one: Your child will learn at a faster rate in a homeschooling environment. Possibly. There are certainly studies and statistics to support the theory. But at what cost? And are academics the only measurement of a successful education?
As I mentioned earlier, I taught my kids to read before kindergarten. It wasn’t hard. I pretty much introduced them to basic phonics and threw in a few sight words and they were off and running.
They have continued to excel in school, despite even the best efforts of the public school system to stifle learning. I kid. But only slightly. I’m fairly confident that, had their days been spent in a more concentrated environment at home with my undivided attention(ha!), they’d probably be graduating high school at age 14.
However, when I initially contemplated homeschooling, I came to the conclusion that what my kids needed most was not to be the best and the brightest in reading, writing and arithmetic. They needed to develop empathy, discover how to get along with difficult people, and exercise patience with the most annoying among them. I could not provide those experiences, not in the way a public school setting would.
And, let’s be honest, some things have to be learned through experience. Hard experiences. Obviously there are extremes against which we should protect our kids…like abuse in all forms. Those are NOT experiences to which I want my kids exposed.
However, I dare say public school in my suburban community will provide bounteous opportunities for my kids to interact with students and teachers from a wide variety of backgrounds while protecting them from some of the grittier possibilities found in public schools elsewhere. It’s a chance I’m willing to take so my children can gain wisdom and experience. Not at the expense of academics but in addition to.
Another reason people cite for taking the homeschooling route is this: Your child won’t be subjected to “playground politics” and “worldly philosophies”. Maybe not. For eighteen years. And then what? Their homogeneous existence will be left vulnerable to those very undesirables when they leave the nest. Except that those “playground politics” will involve far more than the tricks a relentless fifth-grade bully could come up with. Will kids be prepared for the inherent temptations and risks associated with college/young adult life if they’ve lived an insulated existence for the eighteen years leading up to it?
Participate in a homeschooling co-op, you say? Sign them up for extra-curricular activities? Yes, that will provide contrast to the potential isolation of exclusive home learning. It will also ensure that children are exposed to a variety of teaching/coaching styles. Truly, there are many benefits to such an arrangement.
My only beef with homeschooling co-ops is that they, too, are homogeneous environments. They are created by like-minded individuals with similar goals and backgrounds.
It’s like people who grow up in and never leave New York City and can’t wrap their brains around how someone can actually be a conservative. Or people who live in Utah County and think that only “bad” people smoke or drink. Certainly, it does not happen in all cases. But it does happen. And it’s simply a result of an unintentional indoctrination in certain beliefs and ideas when an environment lacks diversity in one or more areas.
Also, many homeschooling forums to which I’ve subscribed express utter disdain for public school and those who choose that option. It’s an arrogance that I can neither tolerate nor to which I wish to subject my children. For example:
Surely there’s enough goodness in the world that we can live in it but not be of it. Within reason, our children should witness some of the bad in the world as well, feel the difference and seek the good.
I may not trust whole-heartedly in the public school system, but I do trust in the process of allowing our children the privilege of learning at the feet of a variety of adults. I also acknowledge that development of the entire person supersedes academic achievement and feel that homeschooling sometimes (but not always) stifles that. And finally, my experience with a good chunk of homeschooling families makes me question whether insulating my kids from the “horrors” of public school is really best for them after all.
When it comes right down to it, each of us gets to decide what is best for our children. Hopefully we are advocating for them and not motivated by our insecurities or misconceptions. It is best to be aware of the flaws in certain arguments for homeschooling(and against, for that matter) before pursuing one course of action. Though there are plenty of sound arguments for homeschooling, the ones listed above are short-sighted, and simply don’t apply across the board.
Ironically, though I chose the traditional school path for my four daughters, I am strongly considering homeschooling my youngest, special needs son. I will go in with an open mind and, hopefully for the right reasons. In the process, I hope to mitigate some of the weaknesses in homeschooling while capitalizing on its many strengths. Wish me luck.
Having a sick or very special needs child is a good reason to home school. I have had students out with everything from a semester long concussion to crones disease and I can see the benefit for them of being taught on a schedule that makes sense for them and also see the stress and anxiety for them of trying to catch up with the rest of a class after having been out for months.
However, in most cases I think it’s beneficial not to homeschool for many of the reasons you mentioned and others. Socialization, exposure to other ideas/people, opportunities to use some lab equipment and things one might not have in their house, variety of clubs and activities, elective offerings that may not have even occurred to you to offer. As a teacher, I am biased of course. But also as a teacher of 17 years I know that I am no expert even in all aspects of the subject I teach. I can’t imagine having the confidence to teach so many subjects with competence. But one of the most important and often overlooked reasons not to homeschool has to do with objectivity. There is a reason one goes to a separate family doctor even if a parent is a medical doctor. You need someone who is objective, who can make decisions without ego and emotions. You need a professional. In a teacher-student relationship, I am there to support the success in the academics of my students and to push them beyond their comfort zone to learn the most they can. Learning is a struggle, and you need to be willing to let your kid wrestle with it, get frustrated, and finally embrace it.
Allison – Great point about objectivity. I have to admit I hadn’t looked at it that way before but I absolutely agree. I applaud many in the homeschooling community who recognize this fundamental weakness in homeschooling and, therefore, find ways to supplement their kids’ learning through co-ops and by providing specialized tutors in certain subjects. I think that when parents are honestly considering their kids’ needs and not their own egos, as you mentioned, homeschooling can work wonderfully. But, sadly, objectivity is missing in many families and ego/emotions certainly get in the way. Thanks for your thoughts! I really value your input.